The Issues of Life

"When we block out the parts of the past that are unflattering or embarrassing, we often lose more than we bargained for. The defenses that block unpleasant memories also block pleasurable ones. And that inability to remember what's positive robs us of energy and joy, and prevents us from forming and keeping an optimistic attitude. The ideal is to be free of the need to distort reality, so that if you wish you can recall feelings from the past and be free to reexamine them and settle them anew.

This process of solving emotional problems throughout life makes possible real growth and development. The developmental 'issues' of childhood, for example, constantly reappear as conflicts in our lives and continue to shape us. If we remain open we can continue to grow. If we are closed and defensive, we waste our energy and never realize our potential. The issue of the earliest phase of development is dependency; the life goal is to achieve independence. The issue of the next phase is mastery and control; the life goal is to achieve freedom. The issue of the next phase is identity, including sexual, the life goal is simply to be comfortable being yourself and accepting your feelings without pretense." (Viscott, David. The Language of Feelings. HarperCollins, 1992)